Flying the Not-So-Friendly Skies

 

"Fly the friendly skies!" "There's no better way to fly." "Austrian. Like a smile in the sky." These are a few of the snappy airline slogans I’ve heard through the years. The most unusual slogan was “We don’t smile because we’re serious about making you happy.” That was the slogan of Aeroflot Airlines in the early l990’s, when I booked my first international flight with them. I should have paid more attention to the slogan…

 

Photo by curimedia

 

The date was January 7, l994. Our family was moving from Alaska to Russia. We boarded our Aeroflot flight, took our seats, and buckled up in anticipation of a direct flight from Anchorage to Moscow.

 

The stewardess strolled down the aisle as the plane taxied to the runway. She looked bored, and true to the airline slogan, there were no smiles. Also, no English.

 

Since verbal communication was limited, we relied on our powers of observation to discern the rules of Russian airline travel. Here is a partial listing of our findings:

 

1. Overhead storage bins weren’t closed during take-off or landing. I sat with my hands protectively covering my head for most of the flight, after seeing a fellow passenger narrowly escape permanent brain injury from a falling piece of luggage.

 

2. Tray tables remained lowered during take-off and landing. My son was thrilled with this rule. He laid his head on the table and periodically mumbled, "I'm going to die," for the duration of the flight. He was our in-flight entertainment.

 

3. People brought their own food and drinks on the flight. Passengers opened their bulging carry-on bags and pulled out a veritable feast of kielbasa sausage, brown bread, and vodka with a side of cigarettes for dessert. The smell of greasy kielbasa mixed with cigarette smoke is forever burned into my nasal passages. 

 

4. Toilet paper and soap disappeared after the first hour of our 10-hour flight. Water and flushing toilets were also in short supply. I ceased drinking liquids after my first (and last) foray into the flying outhouse. Dehydration was my preferred option.

 

5. Seat backs didn’t recline but they could lean forward. Passengers simply pushed the seat backs in front of them down flat, then propped up their feet. The coach class version of a recliner.  (Advisory: the seat in front of you must be empty.)

 

6. The carpet in the aisle wasn’t attached to the floor. I tripped over the loose carpet exposing the metal floor of the plane. I quickly checked for stress fractures or holes, and then replaced the carpet in its original position.

 

7. Passengers clapped and cheered for the pilot as the plane touched down for a landing. This seemed appropriate on an airline with the nickname “Aeroflop.”

 

The memory of that flight makes me smile. It marked the beginning of a life of adventure and travel. I learned two important lessons on that flight:

 -Always carry a pack of Kleenex when you visit the restroom.

-Stop drinking liquids 12 hours before a flight.

 

Also, clap and cheer when the pilot safely lands the plane.

 

What is your best piece of advice for someone flying internationally?

 

 

Comments

[Rena Nunley]

I can relate to many intern'l traveling stories but these are hilarious and I never experienced such! How in the world :)does such an airline stay in business??

I think the best piece of advice would be to expect the unexpected but pray for an "uneventful" trip!Having said that, we were delightfully surprised (yes, in spite of our praying)to have one of those rare uneventful trips last month when we traveled from Brazil. I'm still delighting in the memories of it and for His answer to prayer!
I enjoy your posts, Robin. Very well written and interesting!
And thanks for visiting my blog!

[acommonwoman]

Thanks, Rene! This particular airline stayed in business because they were the only airline for many years. Truthfully, they have improved over the last few years.

Great advice for any traveler!

[Michele]

I always carry duck tape and packing tape. Once on an all night flight the overhead light was stuck on. My dh had enough of the very bright light and asked for some of my tape. He took care of that light!

[acommonwoman]

Great suggestion, Michele! I remember digging out some duct tape to help close an overhead compartment that had a broken lock. Since moving overseas, we've joked that most things can be repaired if you have a roll of duct tape and a leatherman (multi-tool knife) on hand.

[Nancy]

Hi! I found your blog on the WOTHwriters roll and thoroughly enjoyed this post! We also quickly learned the same lessons when flying internationally and it was fun to be able to relate to your experience. Blessings.

[Kim]

I've learned to make sure I have a book (or 3), ear plugs, an eye mask... and let my husband deal with any problems that come up :)

I've also learned not to count on the flight schedule staying the same, since every.single.trip we've made back and forth to the U.S. has changed at least once and usually more (the last one changed four times). So no matter how hard we try to minimize lengthy layovers, or the need to fly through cities with multiple airports, it seems we are doomed to spend waaaaay more time in airports than we'd like. Actual flying time is about 13 hours, but if we manage a 24-hour trip from start to finish, we are thrilled. All too often it is more like 36 hours.

If you've ever seen The Terminal with Tom Hanks, you can probably relate to a number of his experiences :) We sure can!